Summer Summer
Here you are
I hop in the car
It’s time to go
Lets have some fun
In the bright yellow sun.
Summer Summer
Your now alive
I see a beehive
Can I get a high five
We just arrived
Summer Summer
I feel your heat
It’s time to eat
The food is sweet
I see an athlete
Hi Swaimah,
It’s Emma here again from the Summer Learning Journey. You have done a brilliant job achieving your learning journey so far and this is an awesome poem! You have kept to the same beat for each verse and chosen some great rhyming words. It definitely gives me a summery feelings when you talk about having fun and eating sweet foods.
I wonder if you can add some ‘awesome alliterations’ into your poem too? I see you have used Summer Summer to begin each verse which really helps to create momentum and flow throughout your poem. Do you think you can add some descriptive words that use alliteration too? For example, where you say the bright, yellow sun. You could add in some other words beginning with the letter b. This could be something like the bright, beaming sun. What do you think, do you reckon your could add some more alliteration?
Just to note, as you mentioned that you are worried about the SLJ team missing some of your posts. Make sure not to change the date when you post your work, so that when you upload it to your blog it comes up as a recent post for us to look at. That way, it won’t fall to the end of the posts from previous days that we have already gone through and we can leave you a comment as soon as possible!
Thanks for sharing Swaimah,
Emma – SLJ